I Finally Broke Down

I always thought that holding my feelings in was the best way to deal with things, I have been holding something deep and something very personal. I held these feeling in for so long that i always never try to think about it, but i know it’s always there. It’s was time that made these feelings resurface. I was running out of time and it just so happen that a trigger or a switch click yesterday before i fell asleep. It was going to have to be one of these days that i just have to let it out. I never felt so much raw emotions because i always seem to repress my feelings. I always try to stay happy even when I know that it’s a sad day. I seem to forgotten what true sadness felt like even thought i have been through it before. Simple words on paper but they were my feelings and everything was being poured out. My walls were crumbling down and i let it out. Tears slide down my face so intensely and i started to shake. These we tears with emotion with every teardrops. It was  a bitter sweet moment. I would say it’s the calming of the storm. I might lose something that is so dear to me but i think it’s time to say what i been holding in all these years.

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Playlist:

• Matt Nathanson- Come on Get Higher

• Andrew Allen- Amazing

• The Script- The Man Who Can’t Be Moved

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY

I’m so grateful to have you in my life even though we had our ups and down. Your a very round person indeed your smart, generous, caring, strong, enduring, and beautiful. I hope you have a wonderful 17th birthday because you deserve it, all your hard work that you put in everyday at school while still managing to do track, volleyball, on top of your internships, volunteers and hanging out with your friends and having a boyfriend. I hope you have many wonderful times with him, and respect each other with love and affection thought many years to come! I’m always scared that you always work too hard at school and your stressing all the time, I just wish you can relax sometimes and have fun. Remember that health and happiness can go a long way.

I can’t believe you are already 17, time does go by fast! I feels like yesterday you were my chubby little sister with that bowl shaped haircut and now look at you are this beautiful and intellectual young women. i know mom and dad are really pound of you, they just don’t show it that much. There is so much things i regret in my life but not even the fights, the arguments, the lies, the betrayal i never once regretted you. Your the one thing that keeps me moving forward with my life. If it wasn’t for you i don’t think that i will even be the person I’m here today. I would even have graduated with my friends if it wasn’t for you pushing me. Even though you did help me physically i understand your reason why, and you thought me that if you want something in life you can’t expect others to help you because you have to help yourself before others can help you. You have been working you ass off every single day since you entered elementary school and I’m so proud of you for that.

There we so many obstetrical you had to over come and even thought they weren’t easy you sure made it look easy. I’m so glad that you stayed always from drugs, skimpy clothes, make up, dying your hair, have more piercing, all those bad junks. This really shows how much you care about your body and yourself image. You already know that your beautiful and that natural beauty is so much better then being fake.You understand that you don’t have to wear skimpy clothes to have a boyfriend or to be hollered at. And always shoving these things down your throat and you always never get influenced which I’m really happy for you because i don’t want you to be like me. I love the way you are and you better not let anyone change that about you. Being yourself is the strongest statement on confidence and you surely have that. 

Even when life knocks you down you seem to always get back up. Even when you shed some tears you always manage to build yourself up again. And it’s okay to sometimes let your walls down because you have to be weak sometimes to become stronger. Just remember that i will always love you and support you on what ever you chose in life just how you accept me. What ever you chose and what you love to do don’t ever give up on it. I know all this hard work that you do in school will go a long way for your future an will be payed off. Hope you the best in the last year of Balboa, i know that i tried to. I made some discussions that i do regret so stick it out! even when you feels like you don’t want to, you have to keep on going. 

I hope you get into the school that you wanted to get into. Don’t worry about finance because you can always get loans. Hope you have a wonderful 17th birthday even thought you have track. Don’t worry some of my friends birthday, we had some events going on too, so don’t feel to sorry about it as long as we have some time together it’s all good. 

The things that i like the most about you is that you embrace your ethnicity and that’s what i really like about you! I love your smile and your squishy cheeks, i know it runs in the family. I’m always jealous of your flawless skin XD. Your hard work and your responsibility.

Have an wonderful birthday baby girl! and hope all your dreams come true because the best gift is having you as my sister!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOOXXOXOXO gossip girl   

Forever and Always D.